Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
