it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
