Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
