I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
