I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
