I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
