the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
