if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
