Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
