when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
