I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
