The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
