im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
