Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
