Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
