so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
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