friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize