I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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