Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
