Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
