You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
