he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
