Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
