...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize