you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
