I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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