Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
