i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
