farters have to be the big spoon...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
