I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
