she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
