You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize