I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
