roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
