Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
