I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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