About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
