I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
