it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he fucked my hip out of place.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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