sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
