you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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