He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
