I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
