my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
