Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
