Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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