I just threw up on my dentist
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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