This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm always down for nudity.
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