whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize