I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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