I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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