I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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