At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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