moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I need to sanitize my soul.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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