Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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