Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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