I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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