Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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