I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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