I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We have so much sex to catch up on
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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