if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
