i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
