I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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