yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
